Communication One: Masculinity as Stressors

Trigger Warning: Racial and Weapon-Related Topics 

    First, one of the group members talked about marriage. I don't know much about marriage since I haven't been in one, and to be honest, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. However, I noticed that in some relationships, men often tend to propose a solution rather than a listener, which is a little concerning. Men often receive less mental health and emotional support, and in impasses like this, they are, or we are, expected to provide a solution directly and independently. This social expectation, which may be somehow related to masculinity, actually leads to a concerning representation. When men are in a relationship, they may tend to provide solutions and "educate" the other party on how to solve the problem instead of listening and offering emotional support. I think I can defend men somehow, that we don't intend to "educate" the other party, but we just have no idea how to provide emotional support. 

    When discussing stressors, the high social expectations men face can be another significant concern. My professor recommended this book: Violence: Reflections on a National Epidemic. This book discusses how lack of support and masculinity threats turn men into monsters that either destroy themselves or, worse, kill others.

    Reflecting on the support I have, I only have maybe a friend or two with whom I feel comfortable sharing my feelings. The other resources I have are school counselors and GuardMe. My family is not a safe place to share my feelings either since they cannot even maintain the minimum confidentially I expected. Expressing emotion can be perceived as a sign of weakness. For the CEU courses provided by CACCF, there is a dedicated course for counseling men about how they can be broken.

    Moving away from East Asian culture, then to the States, and finally coming to Canada, I can feel that the masculinity expectation stresses me less, and I can feel more peace here. In East Asia, the masculinity pressure is from the so-called "traditional values" regarding the patriarchal hierarchy and the importance of the "father" feature. In the States, it is about racial tension as a minority. It is not safe to walk around showing weakness, or you can be an easy target. I often carry a gun and other weapons when going to conservative areas, even in the blue states. Unfortunately, I don't see any signs of improvement right now, and I'm glad I moved to Canada. Does this culture cause harm? Yes, because these social expectations push men all the way back to the bottom of Maslow's pyramid of needs-safety. Being bullied whenever can cause trauma, and trauma causes more stress in the future.